Trying to imagine a relationship without ‘games’ is like trying to imagine a world without weather. It is just not possible. When people say that they “don’t want games” what they really mean is that they don’t want sick games, or stupid games. From one perspective it could be said that the whole of life is a game, so it is not so difficult to accept that what happens in relationships are ‘games’ of one sort or another. Therefore, there is nothing derogatory about the term ‘game’, games are only a problem when they are negative in some way.

Games are negative when they are done purely for effect without being willing to engage with the consequences. If I pretend to like someone that I know I really don’t really like as a way of getting something from them (attention, sex, free drinks) then that is a sick game – particularly if I know the other person likes me. It would mean that I was leading them on and playing with their feelings, knowing full well that I was going to hurt or disappoint them at the first opportunity to get what I want from elsewhere.

If I am playful with someone that I like (or that there seems to be a fair chance that I will like them) by flirting a bit, or paying the compliments in roundabout ways that can be a fun and very healthy game for both parties. It can be a way of letting someone know that I have good feeling for them without having to just blurt it out.

Why not just tell them you like them?

Sometimes it is best just to tell the person that you like them. But, how often is that really the best thing to do? It can really put the person on the spot if we do that. We have all had experiences of thinking that someone who we had just met was going to become a real friend, or a partner, only to find that as we got to know them the person turned out to be very different from what we expected. We all learn to have defences of one kind or another. Games are a way of playfully letting down a little bit of our defences in a way that gives us a way out, without too much embarrassment on either side, if it all goes pear shaped. If I have really got a liking for you early in a relationship and came right out and said it you might feel obliged to return the compliment, but feel awkward that you do not feel ready to do so. You could have number of other different adverse reactions; you might feel embarrassed, you might wonder what I was after, you might have been thinking “Gee, how can I get away from this person.” and then feel guilty when I was nice to you.

Of course, you may have a positive response as well. A well-delivered compliment can certainly help a relationship. However, I’d need to make sure that I highly regarded your process and also the time you need to make a decision about another person. Instead of making the compliment as well direct it might be better to play it safe in as well as compliment you within roundabout ways at first. I can compliment your own dress sense, or else you hairstyle, for example. Or even, I can make roundabout complements like “Anyone because fit looking while you would…” or even “I can see you keep your self in shape. Do you exercise a lot…”. Truly I am saying that I love you, and you will realize that, yet somehow it’s safe and non-threatening. That’s the essence of a wholesome game. Discover more dating sites.